She was no Mary Poppins. You felt it right away, there was something off about her, her elegance, how she smiled eerily at your vampire stuffed animal, ironically above you now – “Hold on,” your subconscious screams, “I’m not even old enough to know what irony is!” You begged them to hire anyone but her, but your mum and dad needed an overnight nanny, and they fell for that Sesame Street accent. “Oh, how cutely foreign,” your mom giggled, “privileged wankers!” Your subconscious meekly raises its hand, but you cut it off. “I know!,” you hiss curtly under your breath. Now, In the dark of it all, you’re paying the price. Plus side? Live forever. Negatives? They don’t make sunblock strong enough for what you’ll become. It’s enough to drive one batty!